the four right chords can make me cry

He Knew What Was in Man
Oswald Chambers

There is a sentimental notion that makes us make ourselves out worse than we think we are, because we have a lurking suspicion that if we make ourselves out amazingly bad, someone will say, "Oh no, you are not as bad as that"; but Jesus says we are worse. Our Lord never trusted any man, "for He knew what as in man"; but He was not a cynic for He had the profoundest confidence in what He could do for every man; consequently, He was never in a moral or intellectual panic, as we are, because we will put our confidence in man and in the things that Jesus put no confidence in. Paul says, "Don't glory in men; don't say, I am of Paul, or I am of Apollos, and don't think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but think according to the measure of faith, that is, according to what the grace of God has done in you." Never trust (in the fundamental meaning of the word) any other saving Jesus Christ. That will mean you will never be unkind to anybody on the face of the earth, whether it be a degraded criminal or an upright moral man, because you have learned that the only thing to depend on in a man is what God has done in him. When you come to work for Jesus Christ, always ask yourself, "Do I believe Jesus Christ can do anything for that case?" Am I as confident in His power as He is in His own? If you deal with people without any faith in Jesus Christ it will crush the very life out of you. If we believe in Jesus Christ, we can face every problem the world holds.

Spiritual truth that I am struggling to make reality in my life.
Like i was saying to timo that day, about the equality of all Man. that principle is what makes me go volunteer with the patients. Like what sister mary said, about them still being human beings and deserving dignity, which got me thinking about the concept of "deserving". Who deserves what? What is justice? As bad as i make myself out to be, I'm actually worse. There are so many things i won't admit to, trying to rationalise it away. But can't hide it from God. It's like what I was reading in that book about quiet time: we are at once drawn to God and running away from God. as human beings we long and desire to be with God, to be restored, although this may be supressed or manifest itself through chasing other things which we hope will satisfy. but at the same time we do not want to face God, because doing so would be to confront our sins, what we hate most and will not admit about ourselves.

Psalm 139: 1-12
1 O LORD , you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD .

5 You hem me in-behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

11 If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,"
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

Double standards. From childhood we are taught that the world operates on this binary system: good or bad. fail or pass. zero or one. (heh, i learnt about binary code in school). And we think it applies to people too. Good person, Bad person, Good friend, Lousy friend. Good people we treat well, bad people don't deserve to be treated well, so we revile them. But there is only one standard, and by that standard, everyone is bad. If it were not for grace, that would make things far too depressing to continue living for. (which is why, when I was younger, I mistook cynicism for clarity.) But even though I know this and affirm it as truth, I still struggle to live it out, i still catergorise people into good or bad by force of habit, I still am unkind to those whom I dislike. But i am trying.

Communicating.
Amanda: hey tell me how phuket was! you lucky girl, get to go on fabulous holidays all the time!
Serene: how did the competition go? i really wish i went... cos it turns out i wasn't really very helpful at the bbq.
V: how much are the tix again? didn't see you today, when do I pay you?

posted by beckyboo @ 3:14 AM